Same But Different - Grief (Part 2)

Hey everyone, I hope you're all doing well. I'm not exactly sure where I expected today's post to go but I don't think I anticipated it going this way. As I was working on my last post I felt like I needed to go back to Picacho Peak to honor Doug on the day that he passed. So while I would never normally post such similar posts in a row, today is the exception and I'll share my most recent trip to Picacho Peak.

When I decided to go to Picacho Peak I knew it would be the perfect place to get some quiet, some peace, some clarity and some space to talk to Doug. I also knew that with temperatures expected to hit 100 that sunrise would be the only time to go. I woke up at 4:00 AM and headed over. I got there are the PERFECT time.

As you can see, I was treated to the most stunning sunrise. The clouds really help those colors pop. I absolutely could not have asked for a better morning.

As you can see, there is not one person around. I saw a few cars but didn't see anyone there. I had all of the space and privacy and quiet that I needed to connect with Doug and find that peace that I needed to get through the day.

Look at that sky. It's perfection. 💜

I started up the trail and I just talked to Doug. I let him know that I miss him and that he is loved and will never be forgotten. I was looking for butterflies because that is typically how he shows up for me but I didn't see any.

When I checked my pictures later I couldn't help but smile. I had been disappointed that I didn't see a butterfly. I needed to know that he was close and that he heard what I was saying. Doug, with his amazing sense of humor, absolutely was with me that morning and he apparently decided to help me take some photos because almost every single one of my sunrise photos is blurry or soft. Doug was really really good at a lot of things but photography was not one of them. The running joke was about all of his blurry photos. Normally I'd be incredibly frustrated with soft photos but these made me feel comfort and made me laugh because I got to experience his amazing humor again.

I could not have asked for a better morning. He shined when I needed him to. The sunrise was so stunning and I felt peace. I think it is the first time I have ever felt peace on this anniversary date. And I thank him for that. I truly believe he was looking out for me and helping me.

One thing that I love about the Saguaro cacti is that they always look like they are ready for a hug (but please don't hug them!). It's really endearing and I absolutely love it. The desert is truly my home.

I'm not going to lie, waking up at 4:00 AM was not ideal when all you want to do is sleep the day away. I'm so glad that I got up and made my way over. I'm sure that I would not have been able to feel that sense of peace and clarity that I felt after I got outside. Having that space to grieve in whatever way I wanted to in such a beautiful place on such a beautiful day was truly what I needed.

Thank you, Doug, for being you and for sticking with me. I am so incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful guardian angel looking out for me. And thank you for your humor and for letting me know that you are here. I hope that you know just how loved and missed you are and I hope that you are proud of all that has been accomplished since we lost you. 💚

Thank you all so much for reading this potentially repetitive post. I appreciate you coming here and spending some time with me a few times each week. I hope that you all have a wonderful week and I'll be back on Thursday with another thing that Doug loved... some vegan food.